That’s the best way I know to describe it. 2009 seems to be very foggy to me. I remember a few things here and there but, for the most part, I’m pretty blank about the entire year. It feels like I woke about about 6 weeks ago and realized that I was down to the wire on this year!
I don’t know if it’s a hormonal thing, some kind of chemical imbalance, some emotional problems or what–I’m just glad not to be there right now. For the first few days that I was out of the tunnel, all I could think about was how much I didn’t want to go back into it. Pretty pitiful, I know.
I remember having a very vivid dream several (maybe 20) years ago. I dreamed that I had been unconscious and was re-awakened. My family told me all the things that had happened, that I had done and so forth–but I remembered none of it! That’s kind of how I’m feeling now. I know that February through December came and went but I’m not really sure where I was the entire time.
I guess it’s a type of depression. I suppose the real reason for saying it here is because I’ve never talked about it before. I’ve always just referred to it as my “melancholy personality.” I am melancholic, I realize that, and there’s nothing wrong with it–to an extent. However, when I realize I can’t remember entire chunks of the past year, there’s a problem! I want to talk about it now because I don’t want to just sweep it under the rug anymore–and if I am AWOL from this blog for an unaccountably long period of time, that’s probably where I am. I also want to talk about it because I want to change. I want to grow in another direction and maybe confronting the situation will help me do something to make the change.
I hope you all had a blessed Christmas and that your New Year is off to a wonderful start. James and I got out today to talk to some friends at a local shelter and then went to Lowe’s in search of some good deals. I wasn’t disappointed–six packs of snap dragons and pansies for 10 cents each! Just what the doctor ordered–beautiful garden color to cheer me up! 🙂