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I confess. I’ve gained weight. I have. I am no longer the 100 pound anorexic twenty-something vegetarian who bopped my way through college classes–living on canned peas, coffee and the occasional snickers bar. I do miss her. Maybe not the anorexic part of her, but I miss how thin she was.

So, what does this reminiscence have to do with the title of this post? Well, only everything.

I was shopping in my happy place today: The Salvation Army. I had found some nice wool fabric and a gift for a friend. I was searching for winter skirts and feeling okay about myself. (cue imminent doom music)

An older woman turns to me and says: “Awwww, you MUST be pregnant–or else you’re extremely fat.”

Seriously, why is there not a camera to catch my expression at moments like this? I was already smiling to politely say that in fact I was not pregnant. That was before she followed up her impertinence with the doozie statement. My smile froze on my face (classy dame that I am) and I very sweetly told her that no, I was not pregnant and that yes, she was VERY impolite.

That’s right. I had enough presence of mind to let her know how very rude she was! I take great pleasure that she quickly exited to the dressing room with her ONE item and did not emerge the entire time I remained in the store. Perhaps she’s still in there.

I am so happy that I can laugh about this. It’s a great day, my hormones are kind of level and I have a wonderful sense of humor. I’m glad I didn’t say anything vulgar or low-bred to her. But, most of all–I’m glad I have this blog so I can tell the entire world MY side of the story!

One thing I wish, that I could have come up with something excruciatingly polite with which to silence her statement. Something wonderfully witty like the scene from “Cyrano de Bergerac.”

Anybody? What are your amazingly polite one liners with which you would have silenced this lady??